作为社会生物(包装动物),我们高度适应了力量和团体动力的动力。信任/不信任,接受/拒绝,归属/隔离的情绪都与权力有关。

Power-related feelings signal us about basic survival needs — who is a threat, who is an ally, who we can count on, and who is in the way. The use of power is central to our interactions as leaders, coaches, parents, and change agents. To be more effective, emotional intelligence will help us understand and tune up our own use of power and the ways people react to that.

Many Forms of Power

在“西方”社会中,我们倾向于将权力和力量视为同义词,但实际上我们都拥有并行使许多形式的权力。即使我们没有武力或金钱的力量,我们也可以拥有巨大的力量。

… Vaclav Havel wrote about “the power of the powerless,” which has overturned many governments since then. Recently visible in Tahrir Square, there is a deep well of power in the acknowledgement and acceptance of powerlessness — of being willing to let go of conventional “status” to belong to a group. A power of sacrifice.

…一位客户最近告诉我价格谈判,以及他在交易中的“相反数字”的方式一直使用延迟和假装混乱的策略。缓慢的力量。

… I heard a radio story today about accusations of torture by the Nigerian government to suppress environmental activists. A power of brutality.

… Our daughter doesn’t like it when Patty pushes her to get her work done, she gets sulky and stomps her feet… it’s exercising a particular form of power historically popular with adolescents: a power of petulance.

There are dozens, maybe hundreds, of different forms of power. All of these “work” in some sense. If they generate certain desired there are “benefits.” At the same time, each produces unwanted side effects, called “costs.” What are some of the forms of power that you have, and that you exercise? What happens when you exercise these different forms of power? What price do you pay for each such use?

当您回答这些问题时,我们称之为“应用结果思维”(ACT)的情绪智力能力正在起作用。当您考虑可用的权力的组合时,进行ACT评估使您可以评估并选择正确的工具。您是否有效地使用电力,还是在使用个人权力时需要更“绿色的能源策略”?

Emotional Power

One reason is “Josh’s basic rule of emotional intelligence” – which you’ve probably seen on其他文章在6秒内:

当人们感到被迫时,他们会抵抗。

这种“推动感觉”不一定是合理的,也不是基于事实。这可能完全是“他们自己的事物”,而不是基于现实。但是,如果有这种感觉,这种感觉比现实更真实。The “resist” can take a number of forms, it’s not necessarily a clear fighting back, for example, “resist” could mean undermining, withdrawing, rallying others, defending, attacking-to-defend, foot-dragging… whatever form it takes, it means the person is not on board and giving you their full energy and commitment.

我想探索三个例子:

  • 我为董事会主席提供了建议。她有足够的选票完全消除了一群董事提出的问题。她对异议感到焦虑,并试图使用投票。我问她的关系会发生什么?该行动将如何影响她努力建立的信任感和归属感?可能的行使武力会重新确认安全和依赖领导力的感觉……或者,这可能会消除任何新兴的划船感。如果优先级是对齐的,那么使用一种将加强这一点的力量形式至关重要。
  • 我和一位同事正在与他的一位团队成员谈论决定。我鼓励他让别人参与对话。他的第一个反应是一些刺激,这会破坏他的力量。我鼓励他看到他实际上拥有所有的位置力量 - 涉及他人的机会是建立关系力量的机会。我问:“如果您在不涉及别人的情况下行使位置力量,他们会感觉如何?”如果目标是买入,那么位置力量很容易使人不适。
  • 几年前,我和帕蒂(Patty)决定将孩子带出当前的学校。同样,我们拥有所有的位置力量 - 但是我们没有锻炼它,而是利用机会让孩子们参与讨论。结果,我们都提高了对重要的事情的清晰度,最后,我们就决定达成了共识。在过去的几年中,每年一月,我们将在第二年举行一次家庭会议,到目前为止,我们一直保持共识。结果,当情况变得艰难时,我们很容易重新参与孩子,并提醒他们家庭学校是一个共同的决定。在这里,目标是共同的承诺 - 因此,同时共同的权力是无价的。

前方的危险

It can be difficult to see some of the costs and benefits of various exercises of power — to be really effective in this analysis you also need to be attuned to your own and others’ feelings. It’s also powerful to consider the way you are supporting others’ use of power. Does your use of power reduce others’ by overwhelming or undermining? Or is your power support a healthy sharing which can reinforce and magnify one another’s success?

At work, especially with leaders who have many forms of power from position and role, it’s all too easy to become overly reliant on “raw” power, such as the implied threat, “If you don’t do what I want, it will hurt your career.” Dr. Robert Cooper, one of our wonderful Advisory Board members, sometimes asks leaders: If you didn’t have your job title and big office, would any one still follow you? In other words, if you did not have the power conferred by position, status and financial control, would you still have power?

对于我自己来说,当我使用位置力量或力量时,通常是因为我不耐烦或害怕。“原始”力量似乎更有效,当我压力和超负荷时,施加力量使我感知,可能是一种幻想,我可以控制并可以使事情实现。这也是一种声称身份的方式。当我感到焦虑和不确定是否确实有力量时,我更有可能施加力量。换句话说,当我对短期压力和紧迫感做出反应时,我很可能会拉出锤子。

当我试图在房子周围修理一些东西时,我会注意到这一点。我非常小心地开始,轻轻地试图对齐零件或卸下小螺钉。然后我捏住手指,或者我已经没时间了,或者我怀疑自己,而我只是打动了事情。有时候有效。有时费用很高。

The Bottom Line

The point here is not to advocate for a certain form of power as better or more powerful. Certainly emotional intelligence will help strengthen relational power and increase influence. And sometimes EQ will help us see it’s time for force: there are moments where a strong “no” or an incontrovertible “yes” create more gain than does a nuanced discussion. But most importantly, when we use our emotional intelligence, we can see that every exercise of power has affects beyond what’s immediately visible. As you’re wielding the sword or the pen, take a pause to Apply Consequential Thinking — consider the results you really want, and use the power that will most smoothly and efficiently move the situation forward.

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约书亚·弗里德曼(Joshua Freedman)的最新帖子((查看全部

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