作为社会生物(包装动物),我们高度适应了力量和团体动力的动力。信任/不信任,接受/拒绝,归属/隔离的情绪都与权力有关。
Power-related feelings signal us about basic survival needs — who is a threat, who is an ally, who we can count on, and who is in the way. The use of power is central to our interactions as leaders, coaches, parents, and change agents. To be more effective, emotional intelligence will help us understand and tune up our own use of power and the ways people react to that.
Many Forms of Power
在“西方”社会中,我们倾向于将权力和力量视为同义词,但实际上我们都拥有并行使许多形式的权力。即使我们没有武力或金钱的力量,我们也可以拥有巨大的力量。
… Vaclav Havel wrote about “the power of the powerless,” which has overturned many governments since then. Recently visible in Tahrir Square, there is a deep well of power in the acknowledgement and acceptance of powerlessness — of being willing to let go of conventional “status” to belong to a group. A power of sacrifice.
…一位客户最近告诉我价格谈判,以及他在交易中的“相反数字”的方式一直使用延迟和假装混乱的策略。缓慢的力量。
… I heard a radio story today about accusations of torture by the Nigerian government to suppress environmental activists. A power of brutality.
… Our daughter doesn’t like it when Patty pushes her to get her work done, she gets sulky and stomps her feet… it’s exercising a particular form of power historically popular with adolescents: a power of petulance.
There are dozens, maybe hundreds, of different forms of power. All of these “work” in some sense. If they generate certain desired there are “benefits.” At the same time, each produces unwanted side effects, called “costs.” What are some of the forms of power that you have, and that you exercise? What happens when you exercise these different forms of power? What price do you pay for each such use?
当您回答这些问题时,我们称之为“应用结果思维”(ACT)的情绪智力能力正在起作用。当您考虑可用的权力的组合时,进行ACT评估使您可以评估并选择正确的工具。您是否有效地使用电力,还是在使用个人权力时需要更“绿色的能源策略”?
Emotional Power
One reason is “Josh’s basic rule of emotional intelligence” – which you’ve probably seen on其他文章在6秒内:
当人们感到被迫时,他们会抵抗。
这种“推动感觉”不一定是合理的,也不是基于事实。这可能完全是“他们自己的事物”,而不是基于现实。但是,如果有这种感觉,这种感觉比现实更真实。The “resist” can take a number of forms, it’s not necessarily a clear fighting back, for example, “resist” could mean undermining, withdrawing, rallying others, defending, attacking-to-defend, foot-dragging… whatever form it takes, it means the person is not on board and giving you their full energy and commitment.
我想探索三个例子:
- 我为董事会主席提供了建议。她有足够的选票完全消除了一群董事提出的问题。她对异议感到焦虑,并试图使用投票。我问她的关系会发生什么?该行动将如何影响她努力建立的信任感和归属感?可能的行使武力会重新确认安全和依赖领导力的感觉……或者,这可能会消除任何新兴的划船感。如果优先级是对齐的,那么使用一种将加强这一点的力量形式至关重要。
- 我和一位同事正在与他的一位团队成员谈论决定。我鼓励他让别人参与对话。他的第一个反应是一些刺激,这会破坏他的力量。我鼓励他看到他实际上拥有所有的位置力量 - 涉及他人的机会是建立关系力量的机会。我问:“如果您在不涉及别人的情况下行使位置力量,他们会感觉如何?”如果目标是买入,那么位置力量很容易使人不适。
- 几年前,我和帕蒂(Patty)决定将孩子带出当前的学校。同样,我们拥有所有的位置力量 - 但是我们没有锻炼它,而是利用机会让孩子们参与讨论。结果,我们都提高了对重要的事情的清晰度,最后,我们就决定达成了共识。在过去的几年中,每年一月,我们将在第二年举行一次家庭会议,到目前为止,我们一直保持共识。结果,当情况变得艰难时,我们很容易重新参与孩子,并提醒他们家庭学校是一个共同的决定。在这里,目标是共同的承诺 - 因此,同时共同的权力是无价的。
前方的危险
It can be difficult to see some of the costs and benefits of various exercises of power — to be really effective in this analysis you also need to be attuned to your own and others’ feelings. It’s also powerful to consider the way you are supporting others’ use of power. Does your use of power reduce others’ by overwhelming or undermining? Or is your power support a healthy sharing which can reinforce and magnify one another’s success?
At work, especially with leaders who have many forms of power from position and role, it’s all too easy to become overly reliant on “raw” power, such as the implied threat, “If you don’t do what I want, it will hurt your career.” Dr. Robert Cooper, one of our wonderful Advisory Board members, sometimes asks leaders: If you didn’t have your job title and big office, would any one still follow you? In other words, if you did not have the power conferred by position, status and financial control, would you still have power?
对于我自己来说,当我使用位置力量或力量时,通常是因为我不耐烦或害怕。“原始”力量似乎更有效,当我压力和超负荷时,施加力量使我感知,可能是一种幻想,我可以控制并可以使事情实现。这也是一种声称身份的方式。当我感到焦虑和不确定是否确实有力量时,我更有可能施加力量。换句话说,当我对短期压力和紧迫感做出反应时,我很可能会拉出锤子。
当我试图在房子周围修理一些东西时,我会注意到这一点。我非常小心地开始,轻轻地试图对齐零件或卸下小螺钉。然后我捏住手指,或者我已经没时间了,或者我怀疑自己,而我只是打动了事情。有时候有效。有时费用很高。
The Bottom Line
The point here is not to advocate for a certain form of power as better or more powerful. Certainly emotional intelligence will help strengthen relational power and increase influence. And sometimes EQ will help us see it’s time for force: there are moments where a strong “no” or an incontrovertible “yes” create more gain than does a nuanced discussion. But most importantly, when we use our emotional intelligence, we can see that every exercise of power has affects beyond what’s immediately visible. As you’re wielding the sword or the pen, take a pause to Apply Consequential Thinking — consider the results you really want, and use the power that will most smoothly and efficiently move the situation forward.
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I do agree that when people feel pushed, resist symptom do occur, where quiet and withdrawn are the most common. When our life is full of rules and regulations, commands and orders, we are not happy. With all the so called ‘authority’ power in use, it is the biggest obstacles to success for every party, as everyone is trapped in a toxic state.
感谢您分享Lenny - 在没有生命的情况下制定规则和秩序的挑战是一个挑战……似乎有些人(和政府)爱上了制定和执行规则所带来的力量,也许忘记了真正的目的。
我确实每天都掌握了一篇很棒的文章,尤其是当必须做出艰难的决定时
领导者需要什么,也是了解力量的影响和情感
作为幼儿的父母,我经常反思我认为父母做得很好(或不太好)。始终处于我列表中的概念之一是,即使在很小的时候,我的父母也始终“给我们发出声音”。使用这种声音教会了我们许多事情,包括如何有效表达我们的感受,思想和观点。阅读您的文章帮助我进一步看到了他们在一个经常从我们的年轻人身上夺走权力的世界中将力量(至少有些)放在我们手中的礼物。
作为一名教育者,行为非常有用……我应该谴责嘈杂的课程吗?不,如果我选择这样做,我首先会考虑后果。然后考虑我决定要做什么之前的各种选择。有趣的是,我还教这些学生如何在自己的生活中融入后果思维……瞧,噪音水平降低了!
帕特里克(Patrick),并不令人惊讶,当我们选择自己时,我们如何为他人做同样的事情建立条件吗?
Hi Joshua: perfect article & perfect timing for me. Just reading Inside Change & getting great value from the book including the dynamic EAR model. Great stuff as I am about to embark on some change management coaching in an industrial setting which has long held cultures & not much in the way of processes….
干杯
罗斯
PS上周,您是否看到我有关EQ&Metallica(重金属乐队)的电子邮件观察?对您的想法感兴趣。
Hi Ross!
In other industrial settings where I’ve worked, there is a strong reliance of coercive power and very little recognition that the “how” impacts performance. So I might start by helping them see that the“如何”很重要。例如,您可以从以下方式进行连续描述管理样式
< - 有毒-------------------->
要求他们放一些邮政信片,其中示例管理人员在左边……中间……右…
Then ask questions about this to tease out the implications of this:
-> If you have a manager working in this more toxic way, but he meets his numbers, how do you evaluate him?
- >如果您在“有毒目的”上有一个经理,而另一个在“引人入胜的结尾”上,那么他们本月的数字相同,那么它们对组织同样有价值吗?
-> If you have some good employees and they’re under the “toxic manager” — what’s the effect over time? And how does that “toxic manager” affect the other managers?
I didn’t get a chance to look @ the Metallica example yet – but will! Thanks for sending it over.
– J
很棒的帖子。我认为“力量”确实变得很糟糕,所以很高兴看到一个周到的观点,因为我们通常对这个词的反应不好。力量是推动我们前进的原因 - 这很重要。但是它需要明智地使用。提倡没有侵略。的确,当我们被推动时,我们会抵抗。与我的客户一起使用Aikido原则以及6秒的智慧,确实使他们有一种探索这一点的物理方式。令人着迷的是,如果您越来越忍受攻击者的流动,就可以更轻松地保护自己,并且仍然可以得到想要的东西!感谢您写这篇Josh。
Thanks Bob – it’s “leadership Aikido” – let’s not waste energy on oppositional uses of power, rather, redirect so we gain energy. The problem is, it’s so hard to remember that in the middle of a power struggle! I guess that’s why Aikido is a practice… and EQ leadership needs to be as well.
亲爱的乔什,
像往常一样非常有趣的文章。
我是一名老师,有时(经常?)在我想使用的力量中挣扎。当我变得过于控制时,请使用Athoritative and Perionation Power,我觉得班级会做我要求的事情,但有一种可怕的氛围。我与学生的关系遭受了苦难,从他们那里得到我需要的东西变得越来越困难。
另一方面,当我变得太友好,太友善,太灵活时 - 他们开始将我的请求放在他们的优先级列表的底部。达到正确的平衡可能很困难。
A recent link you sent – acting out of the ‘why’ gave me a good key of answering this. I find that making students responsible of their own learning by taking them on board with my ‘why’ works best. But at times they just need a black and white boundary with no room for discussion!
西尔维亚(Silvia),我非常记得与学生的“舞蹈” - 当您有32岁以上的年轻人的反应和需求时,这是超复杂的。因此,您不仅需要找到1个平衡!感谢您关于“为什么”的观点。当我们进行一场权力斗争时,很容易在视角上非常短期……与“更大的原因”重新连接,可以使我们摆脱“胜利”的需求。
In today’s times Power has a negative connotation. Someone sent me an SMS on the same…A Quote by Charlie Chaplin….”You need power only when you want to do some harm,otherwise love is enough to get everything done.” Then…Is not love the greatest of the power?
我们所有人都感到某些时代的力量(表面力量),许多人都将其用于自私的兴趣。在最强大,最广泛的“婆罗门”中……。
嗨,Suniti - 我同意你的看法。根据我的个人经验,爱在我的生活中比恐惧和力量更强大。我怀疑权力具有负面含义,因为它在公共领域被广泛滥用。每天,我们都会看到政治领导人和大型企业的负责人使用权力“超越”其他人……所以也许这使我们有这种意义,即权力本身就是问题?
约书亚,
喜欢这篇文章!它使我想起了我在加里·祖卡夫(Gary Zukav)的著作《灵魂所在》一书中读到的一些信息。在许多有趣的想法中,加里(Gary)提到了外部力量之间的差异(通常是:位置,金钱和阶级 - 反事实的力量。现在,真实的力量源于我们最深的存在的根源。无法购买,继承和ho积地道的力量。一个真实的有能力的人是一个如此强大,如此强大的人,以至于将原始力量用作生活方式的想法不是他或她的意识的一部分。无论如何,您的文章具有此主题的变化。谢谢你。
谢谢琼 - 我喜欢“真实的力量”一词,以及它唤起我们所有人都可以找到的深层力量的方式……当我们这样做时,“表面力量”变得非常重要。
Right on… good one, Josh! Power is such a huge issue, everywhere! I agree that sharing power actually gives us more power… a very cool EQ concept.
我特别喜欢您每年与家人的“共同承诺”会议……好主意!我认识一对夫妇,每年都会续签誓言一年,他们选择在一起15年,一次。
感谢马特 - 这种有意识的承诺是强大的力量!