10在情感上聪明
Ways to Build Trust as a
父母

父母ing is the toughest job on the planet. There’s nothing like it — little to no training, steep learning curve, constant failure, and punishing hours. Building trust is essential to your success as a parent. How can emotional intelligence help parents get through the toughest parenting dilemmas? When we practice trusting our emotions, taking emotional responsibility, and balancing trust with expectations, we build the infrastructure for healthy relationship for our kids and ourselves.

H有十个实用技巧可以建立作为父母的信任：

by May Duong

相信我们的情绪

当我们的孩子年轻时，情绪（他们的情绪）可能会掩盖。有时，大情绪可能具有破坏性甚至阻碍性。父母往往会感到压力压力，以应对时间的压力。因此，当孩子们发脾气并且不做我们要求的事情时，我们通常没有时间处理这些情绪，而我们的倾向是用贿赂，威胁和分心来超越它们。但是，为了帮助我们的孩子建立对自己的信任，我们必须教他们他们的情绪以及情感如何从自己到自己的信息中。第一步是提高他们的情感素养。

提示＃1：通过使用中性语言来描述您观察到的内容：“我看到您对姐姐感到非常沮丧。”

Tip #2：帮助他们标记自己的情绪，并逐步扩大情绪素养：“您如何描述您现在的感觉？”

Tip #3：验证您看到的情绪：“我可以理解为什么您对朋友感到不高兴。”验证并不一定意味着您同意这种感觉，只是您注意到它并欣赏他们的观点。

The neuroscience behind this last tip is that when we validate our kids’ emotions, we are giving them space to pause and feel accepted in how they feel. Meanwhile, their amygdala can cool down and then we can engage in solving the problem with them.

Taking emotional responsibility:

At one point, the little girl at the pool bumped her knee against the wall as she was trying to climb out. She cried, but her dad didn’t come to her rescue immediately. He let her cry as she continued to climb, all the while encouraging her to keep trying. She made it over the wall. At this point, she realizes that she can get herself out of a bad situation. She learns that she is capable of solving her own problems. In this incident, the little girl is learning to trust herself.

当我们教孩子对自己的情绪负责时，我们正在建立信任关系的基础设施。情感责任是我们每个人对我们的感受和处理方式负责的想法。

提示＃4：教授情感责任的最佳方法是以身作则。当您与他人发生冲突时，请让您的孩子看到“在现场”如何对这种情况承担情感责任。

提示＃5：当我们收听并注意到自己的行动时，我们可以更好地理解我们的选择。然后，我们将认识到生产力的模式和那些没有生产力的模式。作为一个家庭，请彼此分享您的模式，并询问别人对您的观察。

提示＃6：Brainstorm ways each person can take responsibility for their patterns. Being more aware of our emotions and taking responsibility for them will teach our kids about consequential thinking.

Balancing trust with expectations:

One day, seventeen year old William asked his dad if he could go to the movies with some friends. His dad initially said no, but a couple of hours later, William was told that he may go if he wanted and, and it’s his decision to make. William doesn’t completely trust that it’s his decision to make. Based on past experiences, whenever he is given a choice to make his own decision, there is usually a “right” answer that will make his dad happy and a “wrong” answer that will upset him. Sure enough, when William decided to go to the movies, his dad said that he was very disappointed in William’s decision.

Tip #7：当我们赋予青少年做出选择的力量时，即使不是我们所希望的，我们也必须对最终决定保持满意。为了确保他们的决定是可以接受的，请确保您对表上的所有选项都可以。限制他们的选择，直到您对他们的决策充满信心。如果威廉的父亲不愿意和他选择去看电影，那么他不应该给他做出决定。

Tip #8:作为父母，我们都知道，由于他们的前额叶皮层，青少年的后果思维没有完全发展。因此，我们需要练习同理心，因为他们期望我们的青少年思考他们的后果。我们需要帮助他们运用后果思维，这是在决策过程中称重Pro和Con的长期与短期，自我与他人等的概念。

It’s in this practice of balancing boundaries with freedom and expectations with acceptance that we build a strong foundation of trust. Perhaps, if William and his dad sat down to talk about the consequences of each option, William might be better equipped to make choices that his dad would be satisfied with.

Tip #9:Perhaps helping our kids to navigate adversity is one of the most difficult thing to do as a parent. For most parents, the natural instinct when our kids encounter challenges is to step forward “to show them the way” or “to prevent them from falling”. When parents rush to help, prevent mistakes, or ease the pain, we deprive our child of one of the most effective ways to learn to trust themselves by solving their problems. We also send a message that we don’t trust them.

提示＃10：在育儿的旅程中，毫无疑问，我们将不知道该如何父母的新风险和新的陌生环境。我们面临的许多问题将感到无所适从。应对育儿水域棘手水域的最佳方法之一是学会浏览我们自己的情绪。当您开始感到焦虑并为自己作为父母的角色感到压力时，请停下来并深呼吸并承认自己的感受。然后返回提示＃2和提示＃3，然后开始标记和验证您的情绪。在一段时间内导航情绪，您可能会看到一种模式开始出现。然后，您可以决定该模式是生产力还是无效。

有关情感聪明育儿的更多惊人技巧，请查看Fights Well with Others: Tips for Collaborative Parenting.

When our kids learn about their emotions and get their emotions validated, they start to trust their emotions. When we are honest about our own emotions and our own shortcomings, we open a pathway for communication with our kids and build the foundation for trust. From this trust comes… trust in self, trust in others, trust that their needs will be met, trust that they can effectively influence their world, and more. Practicing these tips to build trust as a parent is a lifelong gift to your children!

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