EQ可以帮助我们实现目标,并度过艰难的时期,甚至寒冷,潮湿并被淋浴。EQ如何帮助我们保持乐观并养成新的习惯?当我们锻炼乐观,从无能为力转向强大时,我们会承担新的挑战,并做出积极的改变。
Since co-founding 6seconds.org in 1997, I’ve found myself so much more aware, on a daily basis, of how emotional intelligence can help us move forward, solve problems, mend fences, and even see the world in a whole new way. And, just this last weekend, I had one of those experiences which brought with it a special challenge, but which also proved the importance of a calm, measured approach, as well as the utility of thoughtful reflection after the event.
I wasn’t teaching in a classroom, or struggling in traffic; in fact, this little moment of understand originated in the most mundane and prosaic of daily routines — in the shower.
日常突破
I like to keep fit, and having reached my four miles on Saturday morning, I gratefully headed home to the shower. Time was becoming precious, as I had a 12.30pm appointment I didn’t want to miss, and so I ran through my showering routine at double-time. Hair shampooed, body washed and rinsed, and the grime of four miles finally sloughed off, I was feeling pretty good.
但是随后,当我关掉水并在我们的玻璃淋浴门上伸出手柄时,我发现它不会让人感到不适。我再次尝试,无效。我不得不嘲笑自己,大声想知道我是否变得虚弱和虚弱。也许那四英里使我耗尽了每一盎司的力量!我牢牢地推了门,但什么也没发生。
Feeling Stuck?
我们都处于这样的境地,我聪明的母亲总是教我的第一条规则是“不要恐慌”。好吧,这在理论上可能很好,但是在这里,我正处于迟到我的任命的边缘,并且以我从未想到的方式不舒服地陷入困境。这令人尴尬,但不仅如此,我感到愤怒地让位于崛起的绝望。Will I ever get out of here?
I tried to keep calm, and even to see the funny side, but this was a genuine, practical problem. Although I’d only been stuck for five minutes, I was very aware that my grandniece wouldn’t be home for hours. I couldn’t really call for help; even if the neighbors on either side of my home managed to hear my shouts, what on earth would I say when my stunned, bemused neighbors came to assist me?
More firm attempts to move the handle yielded nothing. The door remained resolutely and unhelpfully (and even apparently, permanently!) jammed. I started to experience those classic panic sensations, the feelings people have when they’re trapped in an elevator: discomfort, anxiety, and a rising panic which began to border on hysteria.
Stick With It
到了十分钟,我恐怕我会完全失去对这种荒谬情况的幽默感,现在将其视为对我的安全的实际威胁。我试图保持一个合理的背景:也许我什么也没事,但没有否认我的感受。接下来是眼泪,但后来我感到自己解决了这个问题的新决议。最近手工的物体是通常在淋浴中发现的物体,所以我伸手去拿一个大的塑料洗发水瓶 - 我可以伸手的最坚固的东西 - 并将其用力地放在门把手上,希望将其从顽固的果酱中移开如果那意味着砸碎手柄。
我对此解决方案感到充满信心,并用狂热的方式设置了它,但是最初的影响只是打破了瓶子的塑料,在各处喷洒了洗发水的湿痛,完全无法在门把手上留下深刻的印象。您可以想象我的感受:孤独,孤独,有些愚蠢(老实说),令人沮丧地无法解决这个最简单的问题的解决方案。
运动乐观
最后,我决定有足够的时间,直到我的侄女回家,我不得不坐在淋浴中,而且我必须冒险。我收集了力量,锁在室内淋浴吧中以保持平衡,然后向后向门着发射,并以我的全部体重闯入其中。它破裂了,突然,我自由了。救济是深刻的,尽管我仍在处理必须忍受这种闹剧环境的羞辱。
但是,不仅如此,我感到这一奇怪的小事件与工作的整个方向之间有着直接的联系。情绪智力教会我们对问题进行现实反应,而不是只希望一切都会解决。它还教会我们退后一步,做一些计划。尽管我自己使用洗发水瓶的解决方案是一个令人沮丧的失败,但这仍然是对问题的仔细预测的一个例子。
反思和应用生活课程
然后,有情感方面。当然,如果您感到被困住是很自然的 - 有些古老的动物本能在这些情况下用战斗或弗莱化学物质点燃了我们的大脑,这就是应该的。但是,我失去了对情绪的控制,并因最小的真实危险而感到沮丧和恐慌。
我如何让这个问题使我如此快速失望?直到最终决定驳斥门并脱离门,我才能保持笑声吗?为什么这种情况使我如此卑鄙和担心?
The Enthusiasm of the Desperate
自从那个可怕的一点时刻以来,我就开始(再次)理解,我应该仔细研究自己面临的挑战,并以“绝望的热情”的方式攻击他们。这是对解决方案充满热情的热情和重点(就我而言,由于没有任何真正的选择),它可以为我们带来重大成就。
新政治制度的开放几个月似乎是提醒自己优先级和精力集中的绝佳时机。我最近看着几场深夜喜剧节目。他们迷上了新总统和他所说的一切,但即使他们也意识到媒体和喜剧作家都无法应付每一个事件和问题。Their solution seemed to work like this, if you’ll allow me a baseball metaphor: so many inviting pitches are going to arrive, right over the plate, in the next few years, and I have to decide which one to swing at, and which to let sail by (at least, for the moment).
从无能为力转变为强大
因此,如果我想有所作为,我的首要责任是必须将我的全部重量和力量纳入我的优先事项,并使人们对绝望的热情传达,直到它成为行动和思想的强大力量为止。提醒我,我有一个选择乐观的练习,并将无能为力的感觉变成强大的感觉!
这种热情可以打开门(从字面上看!),但是当它转变为一种不断创造变化的热情,使他人更好地为他人做好事物时,它就会成为一种基本的人类能量,一个具有无限潜力的人。
那么,我应该专注于行动主义,研究和写作的哪个“强力座”?我总是记住Six Seconds’ vision是十亿EQ从业人员到2039年在世界上教授和工作。
最近,我正在阅读HBS的蒂莫西·巴特勒(Timothy Butler)how to “get unstuck”, and use your breakthrough moments to harness change. Getting stuck, or being at an impasse, “is an opportunity to look a little deeper and understand better what works for us.” He recommends after getting “unstuck” people “do something that shows the world and ourselves that we’ve gone through the impasse, it’s been a real experience, and now we can act in the world based on what we’ve learned.” This act is a public statement to share your breakthrough and declare a change you’re making.
So I’m taking his advice and harnessing my breakthrough moment, to exercise optimism shifting from powerless to powerful. Here are six areas of focus to which I could devote myself with the ‘desperate enthusiasm’ of that sodden, embarrassed professor, trapped in the shower.
- 如果我冲入世界人和潜在的朋友用相同的能量,我充电进入淋浴门?我可以找到方法“外向斗篷”并找到新闻朋友?
- 我可以将精力引导到giving speeches and classes,分享我关于情商的重要性的发现。
- 我可以专注于developing tools to help parents在家里。哪个父母不时地无法使用帮助之手?
- 我可以take some of my enthusiasm and make sure Imodel工具这有助于我们管理,调节和浏览我们的情绪。如果我可以成为他人的灯塔,这是积极行为和习惯的一个例子,那么我的精力就会充分利用。
- 我可以考虑一下我的同事and put energy into helping them看到希望的力量during times of crisis. A calming word from an EQ practitioner can change someone’s day; an open dialogue with such a person can change a整个职业。
- 我确定你同意我们全部需要锻炼乐观像其他任何人一样,不时地是可以实践的技能。我想知道,即使在危机和挑战中,我的某些破坏性能量是否可以引导抓住那些积极的链并挂在上面。
我通常不是那种肩负着生活的人。我去了一个小的,个人的极端,以逃避寒冷的湿淋浴监狱。但是,这一点清晰的时刻再次向我展示了以正确的方式应用的能量和力量可以产生令人惊讶的积极结果。尽管我感到更大的屈辱,但完全值得。
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谢谢你,阿纳贝尔。我发现这种娱乐性和很有帮助,我将为我的Menlo教师试点EQ计划分配它。
Excellent! Thanks for sharing.