Our culture’s obsession with perfection acts like a shadow on our hearts, minds and bodies keeping us from enjoying our lives. Always striving for elusive perfection, we’ve trapped ourselves into being chronically disappointed. What can be done to counter perfectionism? When we give ourselves to others, we counter perfectionism with self-compassion and empathy.
在这一生中,真正的完美是什么?
我想挑战您,以计算您一生中24小时内出现“ Perfect”一词的次数。I raise this suggestion because I seem to see this word everywhere, from advertising, which promises ‘perfect hair day’ or ‘perfect results every time’: recipes extolling the ‘perfect cake’: and Pintrest pressure on young couples to guarantee their guests have the ‘perfect wedding day.’
We’ve all got a memory of a trip, an event – perhaps even a wedding day – which we’d describe as ‘perfect’. Or perhaps you’ve developed your skills in bread making, or playing an instrument, until you’ve achieved a ‘perfect’ rise, or a ‘perfect’ rendition of a Mozart sonata. But I’d say these moments are vanishingly rare, and that for the most part, we’re obliged to settle for ‘great’ or, less ambitiously, ‘good enough.’
完美的阴影
当我们渴望改善,成为我们最好的努力时,会发生什么?完美主义猖ramp,有着黑暗的一面。APA引用“完美主义与抑郁,焦虑,饮食失调和其他心理健康问题有关。”
Researchers at York University studying the effects of perfectionism find thatperfectionism limits people.“对犯错误的焦虑最终可能使一些完美主义者首先无法取得成功。”您知道哪些完美主义者不完美吗?自我同情。这是我们最大的弱点之一。我们没有给自己一个学习,成长,破坏和治愈的重要空间。
框架自我同情和同理心
我想告诉你一个挂在我的墙上的音符,每天都在我看到的地方非常有意地将其放置在某个地方。这是一个框架的陈述,以褪色和模糊的墨水印刷,是我认识的最杰出的人之一给我的,这对我来说是每天的课程。它读取:
生活不必是完美的才能变得美好。
这是多么重要和开创性的意识!我每天想象我们是否可以放弃我们的完美需求 - 在食物,工作,旅行,人际关系和最琐碎的小事中,只是享受活着的奇迹,而不必坚持我们必须体验最完美的奇迹形式。而且,这种认识更加动人和凄美,因为是谁给了我这个节日礼物的信息。
她的名字叫白兰地,我的侄女。我与您分享她的生活远非完美。十年前,她被诊断出患有多发性硬化症(MS),这是一种使中枢神经系统的令人衰弱和不可预测的疾病,破坏了大脑与身体之间的信息流。MS产生了一系列具有挑战性的症状,从视力模糊,平衡不良到言语和瘫痪。她经历了所有这些。她的形式称为主要进步,患有肌肉疲劳和痛苦的痉挛,并且被限制在轮椅上多年。
但是,正是通过她病的镜头,尚无已知的治愈方法,白兰地发现了这种变革性的秘密:完美是一种幻想,即使我们远远远远没有达到这种期望,结果仍然非常值得。她自己的生活就是一个很好的例子。她拒绝退出,让她的症状不堪重负。她保持幽默感,并为一个生病,经常去购物,烘烤她喜欢的馅饼的人过着非常活跃的生活,并用麻木的手指将礼物和家人包裹起来。她充满爱心抚养了三个美丽的女儿,他们发展了毅力和毅力。
我也给她留下了深刻的印象,她能够维持自己的美容习惯,并且她尽可能频繁地前往健身房,以锻炼自己的上身力量,越好独立使用轮椅。她读得很广泛,喜欢让双手忙碌。考虑到她的手并不总是稳定的,她的编织非常好。至少每年一次,她让我成为一条精美的手工围巾或钩编的枕套。它们是我珍惜的礼物,因为面对有时是压倒性的挑战,它们是反抗的行为,另一个提醒着这种信条:拥有巨大的价值并不一定是完美的。
Beauty in Imperfection
不完美是一个人心脏的窗户。日本的“ Wabi Sabi”概念说明了不完美的智慧。我们珍惜一个孩子的笔记,奶奶的针织背心,与朋友一起散步的贝壳“因为尽管存在不完美,但这些对象还是我们人类的信标:我们有能力,同情,联系,爱。
将更多的瓦比·萨比(Wabi Sabi)带入我们的生活,取决于我们专注,放慢脚步,改变平衡的能力从做到欣赏而不是完善。重要的是要参加现在并欣赏一些细节。Wabi-Sabi提醒我们,我们都在沿着连续的一个状态转变为下一个状态。我们的物质世界以及我们的身体最终将恢复到灰尘。
极端生活
As I contemplate current events and read the news, I begin to see more and more emergences of this blinkered and dangerously binary thinking which seems to have the world in its grasp. For example, movies are either blockbusters or turkeys. Performances were either life-changing or simply ‘meh’. Consider how many product reviews, for example, are fixed squarely at one end of the spectrum or the other – five stars or only one – because we’re only really moved to comment on something when it resides at one of those poles of perfection.
If you’ve spent time within the system of thought and practice we espouse here at 6seconds.org, then you’ll already be aware of the dangers of these binary patterns. But in my relationship with my niece, and the message she gave me, I see a very timely and sincere reminder that perfection is both unachievable, and that its pursuit is like chasing a phantom. It remains elusive and out of reach, no matter what we do.
这是放弃我们完美的固定的两个很好的理由,但是第三个原因是迄今为止最强大的原因:即使没有它,生活也会是美好的!尽管蛋糕不完美,蛋糕还是很美味吗?芭蕾舞表演是否令人愉快,尽管您不会称其为完美?我们享受经历以及对生活本身的满意,不必以这种沉重的期望来锚定。
More Self-Compassion and Empathy
重要的是要记住,完美主义的模式随着时间的流逝而缓慢建立。因此,有理由认为撤消该过程也将是故意的。“由于他们对失败和拒绝的强烈恐惧,完美主义者通常很难让自己暴露或脆弱,根据心理学家Shauna Springer的说法。这使得尝试一些新的东西,例如学习新的思考方式更具挑战性。她说,当人们专注于失败时,他们会不惜一切代价避免这种情况:“即使是最小的违规也是证据个人失败的宏伟论文。”
Is there an antidote to perfectionism? Can we change our patterns to have more self-compassion and empathy? One of the most rewarding options for people with perfectionist tendencies, is to direct their energies outward through volunteering and making a difference in the lives of others. By practicing self-compassion and empathy and you will be helping your kids. Research suggests that perfectionism is a trait that parents frequently pass on to their children. Dr,Gordon Flett, a psychologist at York University建议讲故事以教导自我同情和同理心。他说:“孩子们喜欢听父母或老师谈论他们犯的错误或必须克服的失败。”传递智慧是我们给自己和他人的礼物。
每天对不完美的感激
I’d say that our imperfections and limitations provide the challenges which give us a reason to get up in the morning and fight through another day. Just as Brandy fights with a courage and zeal which I find humbling, and I’d like to take this chance to salute her maturity and poise, her passion for life, and the sheer willpower she brings to a very, very imperfect situation.
如果白兰地能够找到快乐,即使在她的疾病礼物困难的连续漩涡中,我们肯定可以做同样的事情。也许是时候让我们担心我们的生活还不够“完美” - 无论这意味着什么 - 相反,每天,每一刻和每一秒都要感恩。当我们拥抱自己的错误和生活中,我们练习自我同情和同情心,从我们的完美主义的阴影后面脱颖而出。
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通过此,我们可以与对我们对食物很重要的人们交流故事。
Fabulous article for all of us recovering perfectionists!
谢谢你。阅读时被爱,只是感觉如此刻板。我已经将报价添加到了视线中。与他人相比,我已经开发了我的Carrer实现“更多”完美,而缺少的东西……
谢谢您的精彩文章。最近,当我被要求狗坐在我的女儿和女son 2指针幼犬时,我通常会经历过这一点。我对他们很生气..谁一次得到2只小狗?由于他们暂时生活在一个公寓中,因此无法保留他们,因此他们被送往农场的“奶奶和爷爷”。我通常的高水平客房管理被简化为切碎的食谱书籍,厨房地板上的小便水坑,咀嚼的鞋子和抽屉旋钮等。但是,这些小动物带给我们的喜悦和喜悦,使我们想起了当下的拥抱和生活。他们无限的能量,忠诚的舔和不断摇摆的尾巴,以及我们日常农场走路的喜悦,他们穿越水坑,追逐任何动物。可以清理厨房,书本修补,但我再也不会带着我的4个腿孙女再回来了……。德拉和吉玛。
哦,我的,真实!!!Enjoy each day, each moment – we live in a “fallen world” but we don’t have to focus there I love where 6 second focuses us in the beauty & joy around us – thank you Anabel for your insight, story & great advice! Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful!
Blessings – Alice
谢谢你的这篇文章!
喜欢这个!